Response Journal 1
While Tita was singing and waving her wet hand in time, showering drops of water down on the griddle so they would “dance,” Rosaura was cowering in the corner, stunned by the display. Gertrudis, on the other hand, found this game enticing, and she threw herself into it with the enthusiasm she always showed where rhythm, movement, or music were involved. Then Rosaura tried to join them…. The momentum carried Rosaura’s hands onto it.
(Comments: You may want to shorten up the passage to which you are responding. Use three ellipses [periods] to delete information within a sentence. Use four ellipses to leave out information within a paragraph but across one or more sentence boundaries.)
Sample Response 1
I remember doing this as a child. My sister and I said the water was ice-skating. I tried to do it the other day but it didn’t work.
(Comments: This is related to the topic, but it is too short. It lacks depth of thought and development. To me this entry looks a little confused, lazy or rushed. This response would receive about 2 or 3 points.)
Sample Response 2
Tita was showing her sisters how to have some fun dropping water onto a hot cooking surface to see the water drops float across the surface. Gertrudis enjoyed this activity because they did it while dancing. Rosaura was afraid to try it, so when Tita tried to force her, Rosaura burned her hands. I think Tita and Rosaura are very different people and will not get along very well.
(Comments: This student looks confused to me. The first part is a summary. It is not a response at all. Many students write responses like this and they only receive about 2 or 3 points instead of 10. The last sentence is a response. It tells the writer’s thoughts. My advice to this student would be to delete the summary keep the last sentence and then start explaining why he or she thinks Rosaura and Tita will not get along well. What evidence does he or she see?
Sample Response 3
I rember doing this as a chld. I must of bin about eight or nin when my mom first called my sister and I over to the stove where she had a pan so hot I culd feel and smell the hit coming from it. First she domonstrated by getting her own fingers wet and sprinkling water onto the pan. I was amazed how the silver balls skated across the surface. They didn’t evaporate quickly like I expected aither. Instead they lingered untill they eventually disappeared in tiny puffs of stim. My sister and I did this again and again until my mom eventually had to take back the pan so she could cook. I wanted to show this to my daughter recently, so I sprinkled some water in a pan before I through some meet in, but it wasn’t hot enuff and the water just boiled rapidly away. I didn’t even bother calling her over and just went on with my cooking.
(Comment: This response has excellent content, but the spelling errors are so distracting and even confusing, I have trouble understanding what the reader is trying to tell me. Nine of the errors the spell checker will catch. The others you will need to proof read for.
(Comments: I will tolerate a few errors, but if they become distracting or confusing, it can affect your grade. If you know that you have such a problem with spelling, keep an extra spelling journal for yourself. Also, find a friend who’s English is better than yours or a tutor who can help your proof read.
Grammar Errors are similar. A few grammar errors are acceptable, but if they are distracting or if they affect the meaning, then they will also affect your grade. Use your grammar checker, proofread and use a friend or tutor.)
Sample Response 4
I remember doing this as a child. I must have been about eight or nine when my mom first called my sister and I over to the stove where she had a pan so hot I could feel and smell the heat coming from it. First she demonstrated by getting her own fingers wet and sprinkling water onto the pan. I was amazed how the silver balls skated across the surface. They didn’t evaporate quickly like I expected either. Instead they lingered until they eventually disappeared in tiny puffs of steam. My sister and I did this again and again until my mom eventually had to take back the pan so she could cook. I wanted to show this to my daughter recently, so I sprinkled some water in a pan before I threw some meat in, but it wasn’t hot enough and the water just boiled rapidly away. I didn’t even bother calling her over and just went on with my cooking.
(Comments: This response demonstrated depth of thought. The entry is long enough; a full story has been told. The writer has obviously reread the journal and edited so the writer’s ideas are clear.)