Four theoriesFour major theories proposed to explain liking, love, and emotional attachment
Liking vs. Loving
Love is not a concrete concept and is therefore difficult to measure.
Rubin's offered scales of liking and loving in 1970 as a way to measure the complex feeling of love.He proposed that romantic love is made up of three elements: attachment, caring, and intimacy.
1. Attachment: The need to be cared for and be with the other person.
2. Caring: Valuing the other persons happiness and needs as much as your own.
3. Intimacy: Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person.
Based upon this view of romantic love, Rubin developed two questionnaires to measure these variables. Initially, Rubin identified approximately 80 questions designed to assess the attitudes a person holds about others. The questions were sorted according to whether or not they reflected feelings of liking or loving.
These two sets of questions were first administered to 198 undergraduate students and a factor analysis was then conducted. The results allowed Rubin to identify 13 questions for 'liking' and 13 questions for 'loving' that were reliable measures of these two variables.
The following examples are taken from Rubin's Liking and Loving Scale:
Items Measuring Liking
1. I feel that _____________ is a very stable person.
2. I have confidence in ______________s opinions.
Items Measuring Loving
1. I feel strong feelings of possessiveness towards ____________.
2. I like it when __________ confides in me.
3. I would do almost anything for _____________.
To separate liking and loving, Rubin asked a number of participants to fill out his questionnaires based upon how they felt both about their partner and a good friend. The results revealed that good friends scored high on the liking scale, but only significant others rated high on the scales for loving.
Compassionate vs. Passionate Love
Elaine Hatfield and colleagues, differ. They say there are two basic types of love: compassionate love and passionate love.
Compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection, and trust. Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and shared respect for each other.
Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety, and affection. When these intense emotions are reciprocated, people feel elated and fulfilled. Unreciprocated love leads to feelings of despondence and despair. Hatfield suggests that passionate love is transitory, usually lasting between 6 months and 2.5 years.
According to Hatfield, passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal lover, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person.
Ideally, passionate love then leads to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. While most people desire relationships that combine the security and stability of compassionate with the intensity of passionate love, Hatfield suggests that this is rare.
The Color Wheel Model of Love:
In his 1973 book The Colors of Love, John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel. Just as there are three primary colors, Lee suggested that there are three primary styles of love. These three styles of love are:
(1) Eros, (2) Ludos, and (3) Storge.
And, as colors can be blended to create complementary colors, Lee proposed that these three primary styles of love could be combined to create nine different secondary love styles. For example, a combination of Eros and Ludos results in Mania, or obsessive love.
Lees 6 Styles of Loving
* Three primary styles:
1. Eros Loving an ideal person
2. Ludos Love as a game
3. Storge Love as friendship
* Three secondary styles:
1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) Obsessive love
2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) Realistic and practical love
3. Agape (Eros + Storge) Selfless love
Triangular Theory of Love:
Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed a triangular theory of love that suggests that there are three components of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Different combinations of these three components result in different types of love. For example, a combination of intimacy and commitment results in compassionate love, while a combination of passion and intimacy leads to passionate love.
According to Sternberg, relationships built on two or more elements are more enduring that those based upon a single component. Sternberg uses the term consummate love to describe a combination of intimacy, passion, and commitment. While this type of love is the strongest and most enduring, Sternberg suggests that this type of love is rare.
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